I Can Do Better.
Taking the right steps.
Quote of the week:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
The point of this post does not exceed the motives of my platform. I merely think that I need a reality check. I’m not here as a “know it all.” I’ll give you my honest perspective from my own personal experiences and that’s it.
If you’ve been keeping up with my posts via social media, it’s no secret that I have my struggles. With these struggles comes A LOT of pain. I’m talking about the repercussions of my own actions. The only actions that I’m accountable for.
I’ve always been a “people pleaser.” Everything I do seems to be in the best interest of my family, friends, and even people I don’t know so well. This has been a common trend in my life because I’m afraid to not be liked. Is that weird? I’m sure we all deal with that to some capacity.
Okay, so here is a picture of my sister and I. Look at the smiles. So pure and untouched by reality. It tells me that at one point in my life, I was genuinely “stress-free.” I was confident. I was fearless.
To provide some context, my life hasn’t been the easiest. I’ve been bullied. I’ve been abused. I’ve been neglected. I have my own experiences that I won’t go into too much detail about. My life isn’t full of f*cking roses and meadow fields.
With all of these encounters in my life, I have questioned myself if I could simply “do better.” What does that entail exactly? Does that mean I have to change my personality to fit a different lifestyle? Do I have to adjust my emotions so they are on the same levels with those around me? Do I have to be someone I’m not to simply fit in?
Two weekends ago I photographed a wedding. It was a great day filled with happiness and lots of laughter, smiles, etc. Once the dances start at the reception, there’s always the “couples dance” where you see the couples that have been together the longest. The couple that had the most years have been together for over 40 years. The husband was asked what the secret was to the success with their marriage. He replied by saying “yes dear.” Okay, so I respect that philosophy of a happy wife means a happy life. Does anyone else see that as so one-sided?
Again, this is an example of what I’ve been questioning even in my own life. Do I need a “yes dear” mentality with my family, friends, wife, etc.? Is that truly the success to a happy life? Being a “yes man” and agreeing to everything for the sheer fact that it’s easy and it makes others happy?
Perhaps that example may be far-fetched since I’m not talking specifically about marriage. No disrespect, but this does come up with my friends and family. There are hidden expectations that I feel inclined to submit to. Perhaps this is why I struggle with self-identity on occasion.
I understand that these are circumstantial and that everyone has their own accord. I never want to seem that I’m belittling others’ problems when I’m talking about my own. In my personal case, two words come to mind when I have these questions: accountability and expectation.
There is a saying that goes, “to each their own.” Can you comprehend what this means? My interpretation of this is that everyone is accountable for themselves. See, I’ve struggled with both accountability and expectation. I have failed at many things, which can lead to unmet expectations.
So when I say, “I Can Do Better” it means that I need to hold myself accountable for my own expectations. I can’t keep comparing myself to others around me. I can’t keep holding similar standards to those who don’t share the same expectations I have. It’s counterproductive and doesn’t benefit me to any degree. That doesn’t mean I have to raise my standards. It means that I have to raise myself to my own standards. I know where I want to be in life. I know my goals. I know my passions and my dreams.
I don’t know everything. My expectation is to know everything. That’s the truth. This immediately puts me at a disadvantage because it is IMPOSSIBLE.
In my faith, only God knows everything. Sometimes I even struggle with this philosophy because I tend to worry too much about the unknown. I have been leaning too much on my own understanding, when in reality, I don’t even know what I’m having for breakfast the next day. How can I rely on my own thoughts for clarity?
I heard a message today that explained surrounding yourself with like-minded people that share the same expectations of themselves. It made me realize why my dynamic with my friends, such as Eric, have been eye-openers. We share similar goals and we help remind each other to remain accountable.
The last thing I learned is to practice humbleness. I can give myself positive affirmation, but not at the expense of others. I have been guilty of this in the past and I’m not afraid to admit that. My shortcomings and disappointments are, ironically, aspects of my life that keep me humble. I don’t write these blogs to tell you I’m an expert. I write these because it’s an outlet for me to express myself.
Bottom line. I’ve fallen down. I’ve struggled. I’ve disappointed.
I can do better. I can be a better version of myself. I will continue positive affirmation and hold myself accountable. I will defy my expectations. I will continue to practice humbleness and to not lean on my own understanding. I hope you can find some encouragement if you have struggled with any of the above as I have.
Blessed be,
Matthew